Things that drive me nuts

Location: Hollywood, California, United States

Friday, April 21, 2006

Ace Young

How long will it be before Ace "Beanie Hat" Young gets a deal in a sitcom, or even more likely, a guest appearance on the O.C., before fading back into Denver Colorado obscurity.....?

Is Rachael Ray tv's most annoying person..bloggers, you decide

With her arm spasms and thirty times an episode she has to say the word "guys", she is WAY up on the list of tvs most annoying people. For pure unadulterated Rachael Bashing, there is a live journal By the way - did you know that EVOO means Extra Virgin Olive Oil - OY!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Queen of England -

I was recently discussing the Queen of England with a co-worker. She couldn't understand why I am not a huge fan of the never-worked-a-day-in-our-lives-and-don't-pay-taxes-but-still-love-us-anyway (sorry, I could have just said "The Royal Family". Anyway, she tried to defend them by saying that, and I quote "They're just normal people like you and me really".

Okay, here's a conversation that I think might go on between the Queen and Prince Philip on the average Saturday morning:

Queen: "Philip, Philip"
Philip: "Yes dear, what is it"?
Queen: "where's the grocery list".
Philip: "On the kitchen table where it always is"
Queen: "Oh right thank you dear".


Queen: "Philip, Philip"
Philip: "Yes dear"
Queen "Philip, which kitchen"?

I can just see the Queen wandering along Pall Mall (for those of you who might be related to Gary and Mrs. Gary in the Geographically Challenged Blog, that is the road that leads up to Bucking Palace). The Queen is so far removed from reality, I can actually imagine her handing out English money to stunned on-lookers, saying "My husband and I would like you to have our business card". AAAAGGGGHHHHHH

Upon returning from the shopping trip, the Corgi dogs would be running around causing havoc on Pall Mall, with Prince Charles screaming at the top of his lungs "Mother, what have I told you about leaving the bloody gates open"....

Just like you and me? - My Sweet Ass.

The Geographically Challenged

Having emigrated to this country from Sunny England back in the early 90s, I like to think of myself as a well-seasoned traveler. I've been to many states in this good ole U.S. of A., and even when lost in the middle of New Mexico, managed to get to my destination without too much fuss...the following is an absolutely true story.....

Every Sunday morning I like to take an early stroll through Runyon Canyon (Hollywood California). I would say "hike", but that would be a complete and utter lie....anyhoo, as I made my way back down La Brea Avenue to my apartment, I saw a car pull over and ask a passer-by directions...the passer-by looked oddly at the couple in the car and walked away...knowing my own ability to attract the severely mentally challenged, I knew it wouldn't be more than a few seconds until they pulled over in my direction....sure enough, the passenger side window rolled down and an English accent came at me through the window "Excuse me", the woman called.

Excited at meeting a fellow Brit I immediately (but in hind-sight very stupidly) relaxed, since surely my fellow limeys would not do or say anything to raise my already suspect blood pressure.

"That's a familiar accent", I said, smiling at the woman. The woman, on hearing my accent, turned to the driver and said "Oh Gary, thank God, she's English". She turned back to me and said "everyone we've talked to today has looked at us like we're from another planet".

"Really, what's the matter"?, I replied. Suddenly, my inner relaxometer which currently was registered at the Calm Level, slowly began to rise.

She pointed over to the Hollywood Hills. "You seen that Hollywood sign?"
"Yes" I said, feeling the relaxometer expanding rapidly.
"Well," she said "Me and Gary have been driving round it for an hour now, and we can't find the place where the Presidents faces are carved into the side of the mountain".

Okay, the Relaxometer has just burst, sending a burning sensation from the pit of my stomach right up my oesophagus - seriously.

"You're in the wrong state, you need to be in South Dakota".

At this point, the driver Gary (not his real name, I have changed his name to protect his stupidity), started shouting at the woman. "See, I told you it wasn't in California you silly cow!)

Yes, it's true! Gary and Mrs. Gary, had been driving up and down Beachwood Canyon for at least an hour, looking for Mt. Rushmore....

If you have any stupidity stories, please do share, so I don't feel like I'm the only person that has to deal with this.